Thursday, December 24, 2009


It's the Holidays. Everyone takes a I'm taking a break from my normal style. Here is an attempt at an interior monologue/conscious train of thought. No editing, just what I'm thinking. Welcome to my mind. ;-)


It's nearly Christmas. Jingle all the way. Wow, the same carols are always playing and repeating.
What's that sound? Reality TV, it's worse than nails on a chalkboard. Joy, onto a commercial. Joy...means the holidays, but does it really?
So many are depressed, wow...that woman is crying on this show. It's so easy to watch the suffering of someone else, why is that? My friends suffer and I listen. But do I help? Do they feel like they need to help me, to keep me sane? Meh, why do I care? I don't know, I just do. That's natural, right?
Tuxedo, come back. The cat hates Christmas I think, destroying presents and bows. Maybe he's just doing it for attention, I should pet him more.
I should call my family more.
Kiss my husband more.
Do more freelance.
Ask for projects I know will be harder than what I'm given.
There is always more to do. Tasks at hand, but...I bring it on myself. It's fun. But is it really? What if I gave up extra work for a year? That's terrifying. What am I afraid of? Being alone with my thoughts? Nah. Boredom. And Tyra Banks, she's terrifying.
Self. Who am I really? Waffling between the conscious and unconscious world. It's scary. At peace, or at war inside. I suppose it's a choice. I want to breathe. That feels better. The silence is like a gift. Why do we even give presents? I don't need another candle, or gift card I'll lose. But, it is nice of people to remember. Even though half the time you know they are handing it to you thinking, "I got you was an inconvenience."
Christmas shouldn't be an inconvenience. Maybe I should give it up. Can you give up a holiday? Or, I'll celebrate every day as Christmas, or maybe Thanksgiving. An excuse to be happy. And eat. The American way.
I don't need an excuse, this day is wonderful. Even the stupid reality TV show. I hear the snowplows drive by. People are cursing the roads and travel conditions. But, why? Complain about the long drive, or complain about staying home, you can't satisfy anyone really. It's not about pleasing the masses. It's about living with love. Do what you love. Fear is a learned condition. It's hard to grasp. Sharks are scary. But peaceful. Just like life, you can look at it two different ways.
How in the world did I get to sharks? It's still Christmas Eve, right? Do you think Santa is riding a holiday shark when the reindeer need a rest over the ocean? Sure, why not. He's real, I'm convinced. We should believe in everything like we believe in the big dude in the red suit. Blind faith. Trust. I trust you. My readers. With my secrets. And insanity. You are my holiday gift. My personal shrink.
Give me the remote, this show is ridiculous. Nah, just turn it off. Let's cuddle on the couch. Bring the cat, he needs attention, too. Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate. It's all equal, it's all important. Just believe.


  1. This is an amazing raw honesty. Every word was incredible. Even the holiday sharks. You are an inspiration.

  2. Dear Anonymous,
    I wish I knew your name, so I could thank you. :-)
    This is my brain...puking rainbows on a page. I'm glad you find it inspiring. What I say is a reflection of the amazing people surrounding me in life. Now, you are one of those ppl.

  3. My name is Ebony. And this post is still just as amazing the second time. =)



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