Monday, July 5, 2010

scars.

You held me down, and I fought you off. I thought I had won, that I was OK. Others had been through worse, right? I was one of the lucky ones.

But, the scars you left weren't physical at all. It was more than that. A suggestion that my appearance could attract such force.

Well, that's it. This ends now. I'm ready to heal. Face the fear.

Your strong hands have no power over me now, because I'm taking my life back. Even though I didn't realize until recently, I had ever lost it.

I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe.

I'll repeat the phrase until I truly believe it, knowing those who surround me now are right about the fact that I deserve a fulfilled life. For the outside to match the inside.

No more hiding behind these extra layers of security.

I will be free.

11 comments:

  1. I hear you loud & clear. I am so proud of you for this post. You have the courage to say what others may want to be able to so badly, but live with the fear of judgment despite having done nothing wrong.

    I love how you've made the conscious decision to turn life's lemons into lemonade. You realize now that you are strong enough to stop hiding behind a false sense of security.

    You, my friend, are courageous enough to let the words flow in order to continue the healing process & I thank you for sharing this.

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  2. Powerful stuff. Thank you for sharing. These are demons I understand very well. xo

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  3. great post. youre so strong and vry lucky indeed.
    hows grandpa bob?

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  4. hi erica, i dont want to sound insensitive but iam curious,has anyone ever beaten you before?
    and doyou want me to delete or explain "me to
    me"? ( on iwtsfy) of course.I think it might cheer you up !

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  5. @monika and @TC -u 2 are extremely strong and amazing. I am lucky to call you friends.

    @mrspaceman -grandpa bob has improved considerably. :) per your question: i have been in one relationship that turned violent, and the moment it did-I ducked the punch and walked out for good. -luckier than most. The above post isn't referring to that situation.

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  6. i could read your words any time of the day or night Erica. they are like warm honey. it's remarkable how you can describe a horrific experience so tenderly. ah yes, this piece is sourced from learning to love one's self...scars and all. you paint this wall with medicine words. transcendent power, your courage will help other's to find the sound of their own voice, out of hiding, more. the wounded healer speaks. we hear you. love & blessings- Julia

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  7. Words have power, and this is incredible. Even though it's not easy, thanks for sharing.

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  8. I was abused once and didnt get away
    but i did ok and didn't let him get what he wanted..but it was sick and very queer at the time. I had recently lost a girl and dumped one too that everyone said i shouldnt have.
    I was doing a little acid and mesc too at the time which if not making things worse did make it an intense experience...and it was on halloween too! And my costume was a two headed monster! ( which was actully pretty well made)
    true story...
    This was awhile ago. I found out the person
    was a repeat offender and is in jail now .
    it just so happens that my brother lives near where this person worked and we know the name as this person was known in our neighborhood of childhood times.
    His boss was "shocked" it said in the paper... i just felt
    that the world got a little safer.
    It's funny as he didn't seem evil at the time
    as much as I almost deserved to go through this ...( i thought I was pretty messed up and this might be punishment from the society of some kind for my not accepting its rules)
    I'm sure its an illness that I luckily
    don't really know much about, but ill certainly never forgt it. I'd like to tell you more about it sometime in person if that ever happens...
    Thanks for listening

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