selfish.

Dear Friend,

I miss you, cry for you...grieve. Yet, I know my actions are selfish. The tears are for myself, lost without your laugh and wishing I could bring you back. You are in a wonderful place, living past the physical limitations that kept you from doing what you loved while you were here. I'm sure your days are filled with wine, singing, dancing, and swimming with other saints.

A life closer to the sun, how fitting. It makes sense, considering you were the ray of happiness for everyone in your presence. Smiling with the ability to turn the most stubborn scrooge into a softhearted sap.

Today, I will cry one more time...knowing full well I'm feeling sorry for myself. Drops of greedy rain, falling from my eyes. Craving one more hug, one more laugh, one more shot of energy from your smile. You made it possible to believe the impossible is a lie.

But, don't worry-I fully realize your gift to us. A perspective where holding back isn't an option, happiness is a choice, and being stingy with love...is a crime.

Thank you, for the positive push from above. Time to wipe my tears, and outfit myself with a grin. You've changed everyone around you, for the better. Now I leave this selfish sorrow to step into the light and warmth you left behind.

-Erica

*This post is dedicated to my dear friend Darcy Pohland. I love you, and can see you raising hell up there. Keep it up. There will never be another like you.

goodbye.

The miracle, of loss.
Yes, I said loss, not life.

You're hurting, and I can tell. Wounds are fresh and feelings are hurt. Grieving. I wish I could fix it, take it all away. The pain.

It's hard to see it now, but loss can hold a gift.

Without tragedy, or life-changing events...we would be emotionless robots. When one of us is hurting, we comfort each other. Band together. A united front. Learn what really matters in life.

But, when things are just "OK" we have no reason to speak, hug, or do more than just survive.

So, grieve, feel, hurt, and don't forget to squeeze back when I embrace you. After this dark day, things will be brighter and new...I'll remember how this felt, even if only to value the days that aren't like this one.

I love you.
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