ps.

I know you have the spirit to fight this, the will to survive, and the heart to show everyone how it's done. You can't give up, I won't let you. Let's get healthy together. I love you more than you could ever know. The battle starts now. A quest for a new way of life, better than we ever imagined. Together, we will show the world our united strength.

Erica

ps. please include your own "ps" comment---this letter is for my grandpa bob, you can write the ps to him, or your own grandparent/friend/relative you are pulling for. Oh, and write where u r from if u can. Thank you.

selfish.

Dear Friend,

I miss you, cry for you...grieve. Yet, I know my actions are selfish. The tears are for myself, lost without your laugh and wishing I could bring you back. You are in a wonderful place, living past the physical limitations that kept you from doing what you loved while you were here. I'm sure your days are filled with wine, singing, dancing, and swimming with other saints.

A life closer to the sun, how fitting. It makes sense, considering you were the ray of happiness for everyone in your presence. Smiling with the ability to turn the most stubborn scrooge into a softhearted sap.

Today, I will cry one more time...knowing full well I'm feeling sorry for myself. Drops of greedy rain, falling from my eyes. Craving one more hug, one more laugh, one more shot of energy from your smile. You made it possible to believe the impossible is a lie.

But, don't worry-I fully realize your gift to us. A perspective where holding back isn't an option, happiness is a choice, and being stingy with love...is a crime.

Thank you, for the positive push from above. Time to wipe my tears, and outfit myself with a grin. You've changed everyone around you, for the better. Now I leave this selfish sorrow to step into the light and warmth you left behind.

-Erica

*This post is dedicated to my dear friend Darcy Pohland. I love you, and can see you raising hell up there. Keep it up. There will never be another like you.

water.

Dear Family-
(yup, you are my blog family <3) I'm breaking my "normal" style to tell you about something very important. Near and dear to my heart, actually.

I talk about how happiness is simply misplaced. This is true. But for some, it's hard to simply survive. Despite the crappy state of parts of the world, if everyone pitches in, just a little, we can make a big difference.

That's where you come in.

You see, I'm giving up my birthday this year. Yup, you heard right. Giving it up so the gifts I would have gotten, can instead be turned into donations to a cause I care very much about. After all, I hardly even remember what I got last year.

I'm turning 29, and instead of asking for gifts, I'm asking for $29 or more from everyone I know. A lot of ppl don't realize that a billion people in the world are living without clean water. Millions contract deadly diseases from contaminated water. 45,000 people will die this week alone. 4,500 children will die, just today. It may seem overwhelming, but...if we all do just a little, we can accomplish a lot.

I'm not here to guilt ya into donating, I realize the economy sucks right now. If you can't, that is totally fine and you can still help by word of mouth--spreading awareness is just as important. :-)

Thanks for listening :-) If you've ever taken something from these words I write, this is your way to show me. But, if you don't...I will still love you, promise.

Here is the link for donating, the campaign runs through May. We can make a difference. Believe.

-E

seek.

What happens when we plant our gardens, and tulips spring up where we think the roses should be? More often than not, complaints flourish, about the flowers we didn't expect, instead of seeing the new blooms as a compliment to the surrounding stems.

We say our jobs make us wary, our family and friends exhaust us because they aren't doing what we want them to. What we expect them to do.

Stop expecting. Start creating. Manifest your own fate. If you leave it up to someone else you are a bud without water, in the middle of the desert waiting for rescue. Instead, seek out the spring, control your surroundings, and bring happiness into your life.

Once you nourish yourself, and colorful petals start to show, the weeds of the world will have no power. Don't you see? You have the means to create a garden of good. Stop sulking in the scorching sun. Get up, and plant yourself in a sanctuary of action and love.

equation.

"I'll never be happy."

"Things don't go my way."

"I just want a sign things will work out."

You want a sign? Here ya go. This simple blog entry found you today, didn't it? Allow me to hit you over the head with this you seek.

Life, is good. Challenging? Yes. But, good. Often times we are so busy complaining about what is going wrong, we don't take time to acknowledge the dozens, no, hundreds of things going any given day.

So, take time to count your blessings, see how they add up. Crunch the numbers. Do this daily, and you won't have time to subtract from your happiness with the negative thoughts.

That, my friend...is the math lesson of life, we so easily forget. An equation for puking rainbows.

<3

listen.

All day long you talk about how you are listening. Yet, you speak about it so much...I don't think the world has a chance to get a word in edgewise.

With things like radio, tv, video games, and unicorns to dream about, it's amazing you even have a chance to think, let alone listen.

So, at what point will you break? Realize it's all just too much? Your mind and heart caving in from the stimulant torture. We call these things luxuries, as they provide us an escape from ourselves. An excuse not to face orders from higher up, favors for friends, or the music in the speakers(reminding us of memories, a plethora of them bad).

Going, going, going...thoughts reeling. Like a merry-go-round of words, spinning until you are physically ill.

There is a solution, you know. Turn it off. No, not life...the unnecessary static. Turn your dial to a frequency of necessity, not want. Now, drive. Not thinking about the past or future, but instead taking in every single sound on your journey for what it is, breathtaking. You'll find beauty and peace right here, right now. Breathing in, and out. The sound of the road bringing you closer to presence.

A light through the pane, or in some cases...pain. A window of escape, as long as you look for it. Right here. In the moment.

<3

highway.

I've been watching you, for awhile now. Talking yourself in and out of the trip we both know you must take.

Sitting in the vehicle meant to conquer your dreams, revving the engine. Your tank so full of desire, it's overflowing with fuel for the future.

Dammit, take your foot off the brake.

I know goodbye is hard, but saying hello to a new destiny will make up for it, I promise. The road may look long, but the longer you sit here, the more gas you are wasting. Why risk running on fumes, when you have more then enough energy to make it if you go now?

This is your highway to happiness. What are you waiting for? Drive.

bloom.

I can see your tiny body, standing steadfast and strong. Like a flower fighting against the wind to stay upright.

Just remember sometimes it's OK. To be afraid of that powerful breeze. The other meadow residents won't blame you for allowing your stem to sway.

The buds and blooms around you have been a witness to your resilience before. This may be the first time the pests have attacked your core, but not the first fight you've led against something unfamiliar.

So, little flower...please listen. Realize, YOU are more than just your hardships and hurdles, more than the insects that take your strength. You are a beautiful bud, ready to open. As if to say, "Damn you wind, pests, and fury of nature...I will battle to bloom, and you can't stand in my way."

~~~
stay strong, friend.
-e <3

love.

I hate to tell you this, but you've got it all wrong. Love is free. It's not about flowers, chocolates, cards, and diamonds. It's about special glances, laughter, kisses, and stolen moments. The message I give you may seem confusing at first, but stick with me.

Please take this as a compliment when I say, you don't complete me. I complete myself. Emptiness cannot be filled by another person. It's like sitting a full glass of water next to a partially empty one. They may be closer together now, but one is still empty, and if a glass gives another the liquid it holds, now all you have is two, half full. Nobody is satisfied.

So, satisfy your own thirst, a brimming glass will run over, plenty of love flowing for all. Don't get me wrong, by this I don't mean to be selfish. Just to realize, you are complete no matter who is, or isn't at your side.

Stop looking for someone to fill the hole. Be whole in life on your own, you have that power. Then, seek a lover and partner brimming with awesome, just as you are. Someone who can afford to give, and won't go emotionally bankrupt, because they are also rich with joy.

Companions in completeness. :-)


---

ps. I love you, honey. <3

dark.

You wake from a nightmare, frantic, panicked. But, it wasn't a dream...this is real life. You begin to cry, and want out, as quickly as possible. But, still you see nothing. Only darkness.

Something more is out there. Warmth. Comfort. You feel it, radiating. So close, yet out of sight.

Screaming, "Help me!" You reach out in frustration, hoping your hand will touch something real. To bring you back.

Frustrated and full of fear, you sit with your face in your hands, sobbing. Feeling the tears stream between fingertips.

Then, you blink.

A flicker of light.

You blink again. Faster, willing the drops of salty water to leave your vision.

Everything is clear again. Every damn thing. Beautiful. New. Full of life.

You were so panicked and afraid of what was out there, so stuck in your land of nightmares...you didn't even realize, your eyes were closed. The dark prison where you were trapped, was all in your head.

So, open those beautiful eyes. Consciously use them to see good around you. The moment you stop looking for light, darkness will cover your eyes again.

Seek the radiant rays as a road map, and you'll never be lost, alone, or blind with fear.

<3

~~~

contagious.

I know it's cliche to say "I know how you feel" so I'll just shut up for a second. Because I know, right now you don't want to hear how happy things will be down the road. You want to feel the pain, because it brings you to life. It reminds you, you are human.

I offer to listen, but you don't crave a silent ear. You want someone who will feed the drama. Tell you how you've been wronged.

Well, you've come to the wrong person. I won't do that. Fuel the fighting.

Why?

Because it doesn't help. It drags you back to that horrible place of anger and resentment, once again. That bitter block of time, in the past. Ruining a perfectly good moment in the present.

So, excuse me if I feel my stomach churning, and if without thinking I puke a rainbow on you. I'm a carrier of consciousness. Keep me around, and you'll catch it.

The sensation may seem strange at first, almost foreign. But, believe me, if being infected feels this great...I don't ever want to go back to being normal. Happiness is here. Contagious.

blind.

Happiness has sought you out.

Stop closing your eyes.

It waves a bliss filled hand in front of your face...you stare straight ahead, not a blink.

Why? Everyone else believes in you. And no matter how hard we try to tell you it's well deserved, the blindness to the joy in front of you won't go away until you believe, as we do.

You've taken chances on us. Been our rock of reassurance along the way.

Now, take a chance on yourself.

Before your eyes are glued shut for good.

<3

blame.

The garden of prosperity is dead. He killed it. She killed it. Everyone else...they took it away from me.

Ya know what? An excuse...is not a free pass. It's a lie, to yourself.

You sit, and justify everything going wrong in your life. What about everything going right?

Once you pass the buck or blame someone else for the way you feel, act, or speak-they have power over you. It is only when you take responsibility for what is going right or wrong, that you can enjoy it-or change it, depending on what the situation is. Those feelings are then truly yours.

So, c'mon friend...stop blaming your neighbor for the flowers dying in your yard. Instead, water your ideas and watch them bloom. Don't blame the seed for not being a rose, instead...nourish it, take responsibility-turn it into what you want it to become.

Take charge. Take care. Give hope. To yourself.

Only then, can you provide hope to others.

--

absent.

I want you to know how much I've missed you.

Your laugh, smile, and ability to bring me back to the present moment.
Your way of turning my temper into tears of happiness and how you transform tense shoulders into a giggling shrug.

I'll find a way, to stay closer. To pencil you in for more hugs and place you on a smile schedule. Because people are more important than papers, deadlines and dates.

You, are more important...than anything else.

ripple.

I may fail, but at least I tried.
I may not make a tidal wave, but I know I'll make a ripple.
I may not let go when you ask me to, but at least I have something to hold onto.

Hope.

So, off I go. My optimism in tact. Why do you beg me to stay?
Are you afraid these smiles of determination will tarnish your precious reality?
It only takes one, and what if I am that one?

No...it's time to try. Not tomorrow. Not next year.

Now.

dried.

I hear you complaining about being used.
The things you do, are generous-no doubt. But, would you rather be known as a martyr or a friend? If you don't respect yourself enough to know your limits, how do you expect others to?
So give, be kind, and help when you can. But please, don't forget to water your own stems. I'd hate to see your flowers lose their color, blooms lacking the strength to open. Take care of yourself, your vibrant petals are drooping, but it's not too late to nurse them back to life.
<3

leash.

I know your bark is bigger than your bite, and more transparent than any cliche could ever be.

I'm not going to give up on you. I refuse. Instead, I sit. Ready for the fear to vanish. And when it does, I'll be here. Without a single scratch on my skin. Because my armor of present moment thinking made it possible to deflect your nips and snarls.

Yes, your ferocious facade will crumble.

Fear is your leash. It's up to you, to untie it.