resolutions.

I don't care if you want to be thin, quit smoking, or find a new job.
I just care that you're happy.

That's my resolution for you. To be happy, today...with yourself. Because you are wonderful. 2009 knew it, 2010 is about to find out.

So, smile and stop worrying. Forget about what year it is. Forget about how much time you have to "accomplish" something. Forget about the butterflies the word "fail" conjures up in your stomach. What does it even mean? It's a silly label, that's all...a word, it doesn't make you less of a person.

For each moment is yours from now on. Live in the present. Be here, now.

<3

gift.

Sometimes: My heart stays in the past.

Sometimes: My mind is racing about the future.

Sometimes: I forget about the present.

A real gift.

Live in it.

translate.

Sometimes I think you expect me to translate what you are saying. Even when you don't say a word. Your eyes don't speak like they used to. Why is that?

Let's work on learning each others language. I'm trying hard to interpret, but you seem to be talking in tongues.

Slow down. Speak with a smile.

It's so much easier to understand you that way.

intoxicated.

I'm drunk on your ideas.
The ways you inspire me to be better, do more, and think...

Tipsy on your kindness, outreach, and open heart.

And buzzed from the way you spin a hopeless situation, into hopeful.

My head may hurt in the morning, but it's only from my mind stretching to lengths it's not used to. Manifesting much more than I ever thought possible.

I'm where I am today, because people like you have shared your shots of awesome.

Pour another. Time to go on a bender.

Thank you.
Cheers.

ripple.

I may fail, but at least I tried.
I may not make a tidal wave, but I know I'll make a ripple.
I may not let go when you ask me to, but at least I have something to hold onto.

Hope.

So, off I go. My optimism in tact. Why do you beg me to stay?
Are you afraid these smiles of determination will tarnish your precious reality?
It only takes one, and what if I am that one?

No...it's time to try. Not tomorrow. Not next year.

Now.

believe.

It's the Holidays. Everyone takes a break...so I'm taking a break from my normal style. Here is an attempt at an interior monologue/conscious train of thought. No editing, just what I'm thinking. Welcome to my mind. ;-)

-----
believe.

It's nearly Christmas. Jingle all the way. Wow, the same carols are always playing and repeating.
What's that sound? Reality TV, it's worse than nails on a chalkboard. Joy, onto a commercial. Joy...means the holidays, but does it really?
So many are depressed, wow...that woman is crying on this show. It's so easy to watch the suffering of someone else, why is that? My friends suffer and I listen. But do I help? Do they feel like they need to help me, to keep me sane? Meh, why do I care? I don't know, I just do. That's natural, right?
Tuxedo, come back. The cat hates Christmas I think, destroying presents and bows. Maybe he's just doing it for attention, I should pet him more.
I should call my family more.
Kiss my husband more.
Do more freelance.
Ask for projects I know will be harder than what I'm given.
There is always more to do. Tasks at hand, but...I bring it on myself. It's fun. But is it really? Yeah...it...is....hmmm. What if I gave up extra work for a year? That's terrifying. What am I afraid of? Being alone with my thoughts? Nah. Boredom. And Tyra Banks, she's terrifying.
Self. Who am I really? Waffling between the conscious and unconscious world. It's scary. At peace, or at war inside. I suppose it's a choice. I want to breathe. That feels better. The silence is like a gift. Why do we even give presents? I don't need another candle, or gift card I'll lose. But, it is nice of people to remember. Even though half the time you know they are handing it to you thinking, "I got you something...it was an inconvenience."
Christmas shouldn't be an inconvenience. Maybe I should give it up. Can you give up a holiday? Or, I'll celebrate every day as Christmas, or maybe Thanksgiving. An excuse to be happy. And eat. The American way.
I don't need an excuse, this day is wonderful. Even the stupid reality TV show. I hear the snowplows drive by. People are cursing the roads and travel conditions. But, why? Complain about the long drive, or complain about staying home, you can't satisfy anyone really. It's not about pleasing the masses. It's about living with love. Do what you love. Fear is a learned condition. It's hard to grasp. Sharks are scary. But peaceful. Just like life, you can look at it two different ways.
How in the world did I get to sharks? It's still Christmas Eve, right? Do you think Santa is riding a holiday shark when the reindeer need a rest over the ocean? Sure, why not. He's real, I'm convinced. We should believe in everything like we believe in the big dude in the red suit. Blind faith. Trust. I trust you. My readers. With my secrets. And insanity. You are my holiday gift. My personal shrink.
Give me the remote, this show is ridiculous. Nah, just turn it off. Let's cuddle on the couch. Bring the cat, he needs attention, too. Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate. It's all equal, it's all important. Just believe.

pure.

Don't worry.
The flakes will fade, and ice will melt.
And in the end, the flowers will come back...they always do.
Until then, look out across the pristine white and remember, we all are allowed the same liberty as this landscape.
A fresh start.
In only an hour things looks so different, and you can do the same by simply changing the way you view your surroundings.
Who knows, if your approach shifts, maybe those things will finally yield the change you have been waiting for, impatiently.
Give it a try. Let it snow.

tardy.

I plug on. Pushing over obstacles, and urging those who drag their feet to move, hurry up, or step aside.
It feels like it will never end. The daily grind of what surrounds us.
Then, I encounter that one person, you.
Offering an ounce of encouragement, and a sheepish smile.
"So sorry I'm late." You say.
But you aren't late. Kindness can never be tardy.
You are right on time, my friend.
Thank you.

envy.

Opportunity knocks.
You slam the door, instead of welcoming it in for tea.

Wealth is at your feet, a penny at a time on the sidewalk.
Yet you walk by, dismissing the riches waiting to be found.

A homeless person, is begging for the roof you have over your head.
And still, I hear you curse the leaky faucet.

Someone right now, would do just about anything to have your life.
So, use it. Love it. Live it to the fullest.

Before it's taken away.

stone.

I look at you...and am drawn in. Not sure what it is. The confidence, the way you carry yourself? Probably.
Yet, you are guarded. The type of person I can tell doesn't let others in easily. And it makes me wonder, what happened? Why the stiff stance, as if your limbs turn to stone when you are close to someone you obviously care about.
I want to shake you. Tell you to stop.
Please, let down the wall, before it's so high, even the sunlight can't touch you.

dried.

I hear you complaining about being used.
The things you do, are generous-no doubt. But, would you rather be known as a martyr or a friend? If you don't respect yourself enough to know your limits, how do you expect others to?
So give, be kind, and help when you can. But please, don't forget to water your own stems. I'd hate to see your flowers lose their color, blooms lacking the strength to open. Take care of yourself, your vibrant petals are drooping, but it's not too late to nurse them back to life.
<3

luck

You complain about everyone else having all the luck.
But if you weren't so busy worrying about the "other guys" you'd have time to see, you are the lucky one.

The day you stop allowing the opinions of others to rule your life, is the day you are free. To love, create, and enjoy life without anxiety, fear, or doubt.

Don't worry about what they think. Hell, don't even worry about what you think. Don't even think at all. Just be. Live. Now.

tough.

One day I'll say it.
Yell it.
Scream it.

"Toughen up. Stop complaining...do something about it."

But today, is not that day.

Today, I just hug you-because I can tell your voice from within' is already deafening anything I scream, speak, or whisper.

Tomorrow we practice tough love.

But not before today's weakness makes us stronger.

silence.

Some days are tougher than others. I just don't know what to tell ya. But, maybe that's good for a change. Because the silence has more insight than I can ever provide. After all, it's the pause before the final note of a song...that gives us time to really comprehend the lyrics.

p.s.

My friend Iain is one of the best guys around. He's given me personal, and professional advice...and never once said "no" to a favor.
He inspires me to write what I feel on this blog, and on a creative level the way he thinks has pushed me to push myself at my job.
He has changed my life for the better. This is why I ask you, please read this letter from him. There isn't a more deserving person in the universe.
Lief (Afrikaans for "love" -again, a lesson from Iain)
E

pls read, then vote:
The Open Letter

<3

snow.

The slippery white fluff may be a hazard, but to us it's a playground. A place to bask in a bright, pristine landscape...glowing bright in the middle of the night.

The power of those tiny little snowflakes, to turn darkness to day-is amazing. You have that same ability. Shine.

Break through the black during your delicate dance to the ground.

Your light will attract more flurries, and together you'll show us how different the world can really look, in a matter of moments.

It all starts with just one. You, snowflake. You.

drip.

We talked about this before. Your drama faucet

You told me you had turned it off. But it's starting to leak.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

And I'm afraid the sound of the drops is drowning out the sound of my voice, as I try to bring you back.

Just breathe. Turn it off. Re-living the drama over and over isn't worth it. Because eventually the drips turn to a steady stream, and the stream turns into a waterfall.

I don't want to lose you to the current. This is not the person I know. Stay with me on the safe, calm shore. Here we can stare at our reflections and smile, instead of holding our heads underwater.

Stay dry.

wall.

Come here, I have something to tell you. I'll put this as nicely as possible.

There is a difference between venting, and attracting additional drama into your life.

Is it really doing any good? Working yourself up, over and over?

While you are busy talking of wilted dreams and flowers...a life of peace, sunshine, and fulfillment is waiting quietly for you to claim it.

So, I will continue to listen, but hope you see the smiles worth living for, on the other side of the wall of rage.

shopping.

No gift I could give you would capture your awesomeness.

So, why don't we just agree to exchange glances, hugs, and giggles?
The holiday three nobody should (or has to) go without.

I'll remind the universe to send you a thank you note for the smiles you are spreading.

leash.

I know your bark is bigger than your bite, and more transparent than any cliche could ever be.

I'm not going to give up on you. I refuse. Instead, I sit. Ready for the fear to vanish. And when it does, I'll be here. Without a single scratch on my skin. Because my armor of present moment thinking made it possible to deflect your nips and snarls.

Yes, your ferocious facade will crumble.

Fear is your leash. It's up to you, to untie it.

grey.

After awhile, the digging, hateful words you speak become gibberish. A foreign language to my ears. Brain, heart, and soul choosing not to process the ugly thoughts you throw.

If you are going to speak in colorful tones, at least make it sounds like a rainbow.

I see no pigment in your voice. Only grey, dreary fear.

When you are ready to explore the new chroma and hue of happiness, wake me up. Because right now I'm dreaming in color, and my heart refuses to compromise by flipping to black and white.

grip.

I want to hold your hand.

Not to lead you astray or pull you down. Only to let you know, you aren't alone.

Your palms clammy, fingertips shaking. Why are you so afraid?

Breathe...listen to your breath, and feel the warmth of my hand. Let me help.

Because I'd never forgive myself if you slipped away.

The world needs you.

Hold on.