dance.

I'm happy to say this is a true story.
:-)

Tonight I was walking back from dinner break with a co-worker, when we spotted a man dancing down the street. In the middle of downtown, mind you.

My first thought was, "Ahhhhh yes, another homeless person. On drugs."

Then, I took time to really look.

The man was dancing to the beat of his ipod. An interpretive dance. Twirling around. With a huge grin on his face. Was he trained? No. This was obvious. But, what he was doing was no less beautiful than the perfect lines of a trained ballerina.

We passed him.

I looked around.

People were staring. With a variety of reactions. Some smiled. Others pointed in laughter, their eyes clouded by something....fear. They may mask it as sarcasm or poking fun, but really it's just fear of happiness. They are intimidated by the bravado of this man. Envy glistens behind their eyes. Wishing they could join him, but instead...mocking.

We walk on.

There are more of them! Dancing individuals. Of different ages, sizes, abilities.

I think to myself, "Hmm....must be some kind of acting class."

We pause, looking to unravel the mystery, stopping a female dancer in street clothes. This woman is actually sporting an old fashioned walkman. She is young, probably mid twenties. But has wisdom and joy written all over her face.

My co-worker says with a smile, "Hello. We were just wondering what this is all about?"

The woman just nods. Taking her headphones off, never stopping her movements.

Again my companion says, "No really...like, is this just for fun? Why all the dancing?"

Smiling, the dancer puts her headphones back on and starts to backpedal away...a graceful action. With a glint in her eye she says,

"Do you feel it too?"

We are left stunned. But smiling.

So, I guess that's the question....do you feel it?

Then, dance.

do.

If I was younger...

If I was older...

If I was thinner...

If I was smarter...

If I was richer...

I would.

Enough already.

Start doing.

It's all within' your reach...but when you sit there looking at the ground, you can't see the doors of opportunity unlocked in front of you, waiting to be pushed open.

Look up. Step forward. Give 'em a shove.

You never know what's on the other side until you stop being so stubborn and actually try. Failures will fade, but regrets....they stay with you and steamroll until one day you are on the verge of insanity and engulfed by them. Blaming everyone around you.

Well, stop it. Take responsibility. Be happy now.

Stop wishing. Start creating.

still.

In a world where everyone is trying to cram 25 hours into the day...take it.

Time.

To be still.

Because you deserve it. You owe it to your heart to let it take top priority. Forget your mind for a second. Just listen to the beating of your heart. How amazing, eh?

With each thump, do you know what is happening? It's pumping love through your veins. I'm not talking the puppy dog romantic kind of love. I'm talking about the stuff that breaks down walls, opens eyes, and makes amazing things happen.

It's in YOU.

So don't waste it. Don't let it sit petrified in your veins due to lack of use.

Create a beautiful world full of love. Because seeing things from a martyr's perspective in your mind isn't doing any good, and you're definitely not doing yourself any favors by thinking that way...instead, use your heart to become the light people need, right now.

So pause.

Listen. Love. Shine on.

numb.

Some days I can tell you feel numb.

Not necessarily in a bad way, but I can tell your eyes aren't focusing right and you have to ask twice whenever I speak to you. Staring through me. Unreachable.

You seem generally happy, yet you hold back. Eyes glazed over, not quite connecting.

Just let me know if you're OK. That's all I ask.

Blink.

Or something.

Anything.

I'm not asking you to wake up from the dream you are having, in fact I hope it is wonderful. But I do want you to know, if it's a nightmare in any way...I'm here.

Sleep tight.

solo.

What's happening around us?

Lean in closer, I'll tell you.

Amazing things.

Strangers are giving compliments to each other without reserve. Neighbors are helping each other clean up after the storm. Friends are staying up late at night to talk about nothing, everything, and all that's in between.

People are connecting.

So, why are you sitting at your lunch table all alone? If you want time to be solo, then I accept your plight. But, if it's to hang your head in self pity and darkness....that's another story.

Open your eyes. See the awesome world for what it is, just that.

Being alone is just fine, in fact I find it's my favorite part of the day. Just reflecting, with a silly grin on my face, about how things are changing and life is brighter. Not everyday...the bad ones still come, but the moments of darkness are fewer and far between.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I don't think you realize it yet. When you do, I'll be here. We can be alone together.

In peace.

Smiling like idiots.

I can hardly wait.

:-)

a 'lil something different.

I don't usually do this...but these are lyrics to a song a friend of mine introduced to me. See his amazing rendition here:

one day the dreamers died within us
when all our answers never came
we hid the truth beneath our skin but
our shadows never looked the same

a ghost is all that's left
of everything we swore we never would forget
we tried to bleed the sickness
but we drained our hearts instead
we are the dead

and when we couldn't stop the bleeding
we held our hearts over the flame
we couldn't help but call it treason
after that we couldn't fill our frames
after that our shadows never looked the same

a ghost is all that's left
of everything we swore we never would forget
we tried to bleed the sickness
but we drained our hearts instead
we are the dead

in summers past we'd challenge fate
with higher pitch and perfect aim
and standing fast, we'd radiate
a light we loved but never named
but the answers never came
and our shadows never looked the same

a ghost is all that's left
of everything we swore we never would forget
we tried to bleed the sickness
but we drained our hearts instead
we are the dead

a ghost of everything we though but never said
we tried to bleed the sickness
but we drained our hearts instead

we are the ones who lost our faith
we dug ourselves an early grave
we are the dead, can we be saved?

stillness.

You think of yourself as a magnet for chaos...as if it seeks you out. But really, it's drama you seek on your own. Not always in a bad way, it's just who you've conditioned yourself to be. But, dear friend there is another way to live. Separate yourself from the whirling thoughts, gasping breaths, and to pull out of the dark hole you've called home for so long. Although, sometimes I wonder if you truly do want to escape. Or if you have so much stock in this person you think you are...you refuse to see the pure being within. The possibility of life, happy beautiful life. Lower your voice. I can't hear you when you speak in that tone. The yelling sends my mind a message saying, "Turn off your ears for I fear you will go deaf if you continue to listen to this madness."

That's it.

Stop.

Close your eyes.

Darkness.

Black...but wait, it's not a fearful place you're in now. Lids closed...but a light in the distance. What is it?

Stillness.

Wow, it's beautiful. I can hear everything around me. The computer hums, my throat clears, and more importantly it's the one thing I don't hear that's truly beautiful.

The thoughts. Usually waging war with each other in my head, have subsided. Breath is the important thing right now. Not the petty argument, judgement, or self destruction. Just stillness. This darkness behind my lids isn't that of fear, it's one of tranquility. You can't get to me here. I won't let you. Even though you are my mind... my soul is separate from your demands. It is a choice, to end this.

And I have. Farewell fear. I won't be back soon...and that's a promise. Stillness and I have a date, and whenever you come knocking again I do believe I'll be too busy washing my hair to even say hi.

:-)

---

sandbox.

You sit...covered in dirt and loving every minute of it.
The sand between your fingers feels like tiny particles of magic, making your dreams come to life.
You work on, building your little masterpiece taking risks with design and calculation. Parts fall, but you don't mind. It's just another handful of sand, and everything is fixed. Finishing touches complete, you admire your handiwork and prepare to present . Only to hear the shouts, "Stop playing, you are late for dinner. Get inside...now!"

Hurrying past the screen door, you enter another world. But, your work of art is still in your mind. Waiting for the opportunity to speak, anxious to share. Only to find out, things are tough today. Everyone is chatting nonsense...it sounds like a foreign language. Anger fills the plates at the table. Bills, debt, work, love...or lack of it.

Wait, love? Work? You speak up.

"I worked today. Hard. I finished my castle...we are going to live in it someday. I promise. OK?"

The silence is deadly.

What did you say?

Those who tower over you dismiss your work...as playing. "Wait until you are in the real world when you are big." They bark. Like dogs, soured by beatings day in and day out. They don't know better. Tethered to their masters on leashes they've fashioned for themselves.

It's hard to know what to think.

But, that's the point.

You don't need to know what to think. Because you feel it. It's already inside of you. The joy. Playing or not, you built a fortress to store your dreams for safe keeping. No small feat. Age doesn't make those around you wise...in fact, what they are teaching you is a lesson in ignorance, little one.

What they see...is a mirror of what is lost in their lives. I take it back...not lost, misplaced. For passion and happiness live inside, at all times-waiting to be unleashed. They just need to sit down beside you to figure it out. You are quite the teacher, you know.

So show them, architect of innocence. Show them what it's like to have the hope of a child again. Because growing up, is overrated. Living your dreams while in your waking state, is true fulfillment. And you, are the master builder of your destiny... nobody can take that away. Step inside the sandbox, and feel what "work" is supposed to be like. Doing what you love, as the hours fly by. Someday the dinner call will be only an encouraging reminder to rest your happy soul. Work is only work, if you refuse to allow it to be playtime. It's in your hands, just like those tiny bits of sand. Now take a deep breath...smile...and build. Not because you have to. But because it's in your soul. Share your vision with the world...I look forward to living in your castle. :-)

----

the weight.

The weight of your words have remained with me this entire time.

I thought I had let them go, gotten past it all...

I was wrong.

Well ya know what? Forget it. You don't own my mind. The same way your hurtful phrases don't own my self worth.

Tonight I set myself free. Start dictating my own future. This time it's not failures surfacing...but accomplishments and goals ready to be conquered. Lifting me up, by their strings of hope and tides of reassurance.

For this burden has lived on my shoulders long enough. This time I shrug, the words fall onto the ground, one by one. Shattering as they hit the pavement. Now I run, but not away from the harsh reality you painted....but rather toward the blissful existence I know is possible.

Mirage?

No way.

This is paradise. I created it. Even if it is an island in a sea of hatred and negativity.

So, sit out there...surrounded by hateful thoughts, the sharks swirling around you. Because I am here, safe on my island. Comfortable with myself, the present, and the person I've become.

----