stillness.

You think of yourself as a magnet for chaos...as if it seeks you out. But really, it's drama you seek on your own. Not always in a bad way, it's just who you've conditioned yourself to be. But, dear friend there is another way to live. Separate yourself from the whirling thoughts, gasping breaths, and to pull out of the dark hole you've called home for so long. Although, sometimes I wonder if you truly do want to escape. Or if you have so much stock in this person you think you are...you refuse to see the pure being within. The possibility of life, happy beautiful life. Lower your voice. I can't hear you when you speak in that tone. The yelling sends my mind a message saying, "Turn off your ears for I fear you will go deaf if you continue to listen to this madness."

That's it.

Stop.

Close your eyes.

Darkness.

Black...but wait, it's not a fearful place you're in now. Lids closed...but a light in the distance. What is it?

Stillness.

Wow, it's beautiful. I can hear everything around me. The computer hums, my throat clears, and more importantly it's the one thing I don't hear that's truly beautiful.

The thoughts. Usually waging war with each other in my head, have subsided. Breath is the important thing right now. Not the petty argument, judgement, or self destruction. Just stillness. This darkness behind my lids isn't that of fear, it's one of tranquility. You can't get to me here. I won't let you. Even though you are my mind... my soul is separate from your demands. It is a choice, to end this.

And I have. Farewell fear. I won't be back soon...and that's a promise. Stillness and I have a date, and whenever you come knocking again I do believe I'll be too busy washing my hair to even say hi.

:-)

---